Frozen moments #4

One legged bergie dude trying to proposition a prostitute. She gives him bat.

Two Words..

Yum Yum


Cito from Wonderboom going solo. I saw him in Chess and at the Cape Town launch of his solo album. Yep.. real life yum yum stuff.

Top five lists - How to make your remote control work when the battery is dead

1. Swop the positions of the batteries within the remote. There is a chance that the new position could bring some extra juice to the batteries
2. Hit the remote hard a couple of times. The shock could startle the batteries into working.
3. Take off the plastic wrapping (applicable only if you are mallu). The plastic might have been acting as a shield
4. Try pointing the remote in a different angle. Who knows, maybe the TV got tired of getting a direct hit to the bottom left hand side of the screen for the past 4 years
5. Bring the remote to within 10 cms of the TV. By now you might as well lean over and press the buttons on the TV

Top five lists - The Best Kind of Scores

1. Those who are good – This is a no brainer. When you give yourself up to the ecstasy the least you could expect is someone who knows how to kiss and how to kiss well
2. Those who do call – The cute ones that you exchange phone numbers with. They say they will call and they do. This comes either through luck or discreet selection.
3. Those who dont call – tequila goggles came off. After 22 missed calls and 7 unanswered smses in one day he finally got the hint.
4. The exotic ones who mutter sweet nothings – this is the reason we love and encourage tourism in our country. They add variety, and you know what the deal is with them.
5. They ones that you know and you satisfy a curiosity – this one is different because it is a connection with the mind as well and pulls on the heart strings with a stronger twang than the others. But be warned, it can be a tricky situation (particularly the aftermath) unless handled carefully.

PS - Thanks to a lot of people for the research and advice on this post. Especially M for bullying me at times

Overanalyzing again

Just to clarify, when they say 'absence makes the heart grow fonder', it is meant to be taken with a good dose of salt.

I was thinking about V, the long breaks we have in between each meeting and whether my heart is actually yearning for him as each day goes by. I am delighted when he does get in touch and estatic when we do together over food and wine. And when you have to consider this situation at its face value, then we can conclude that the bigger the gap between our communications then the more I wait in anticipation for our next meeting and then I am all the more excited when we do connect. Right?

Ehh.. not really. While V does occupy a space in my heart, it does not necessarily grow fonder every day / week that we are not in touch. As he takes longer to respond, I start forgetting about him and the space in my heart grows smaller. Until, voila! Monsieur smses or phones again, and the world is a happy place again. When we get together, I simply enjoy the moment without agonising about when we will have our next interaction, just cos I know its going to be a while.

Anyways, I realised that the saying is not true unless there is a more meaningful feeling attached to that space in my heart. The space in my heart needs to connect to something in my mind as well.

If I am exceptionally fond of something or someone, then I miss them like crazy when they are not around. And when the object of my affection and I meet again, I get a one tracked mind to completely sate myself within its presence.

Packet of salt and vinegar chips anyone?

Frozen moments #3

The man, his son and the dog were walking down the road. The boy must have been around 8 years old. Suddenly the father runs behind his son, grabs him under his arms and spins him around twice. The son's half hearted yell of protest does not drown out the shout of delight from the man as he spins them around, with the small terrior dog yapping around the twirling pair.

Dinner for One

Its takes a certain amount of guts to go to a restaurant and have supper by yourself. For breakfast and lunch, there is some kind of excuse related to work / friends /shopping / on the go etc , but a dinner table for one comes clouded in looserness.

If anyone out there wants to avoid the effort of making a crap dinner and eating it by themselves, or wants to experience the singleton, here are some quick guidelines to survive a singles meal:

Rule #1 Pick an appropriate venue
At the end of the day if you are by yourself, the last thing you want is to be surrounded by couples. Family restaurants and hotspots for the young and restless are ideal for enjoying a meal for one without feeling like a gooseberry holding a neon arrow pointing downwards.

Rule #2 Avoid the extremes
Sitting right in the middle of the restaurant bustle is like having a spotlight directed on your large table with one dish. On the other hand, it is no good hiding in a secluded corner at the back, because then you might as well have done a takeaway at home. A table just slighty off to the side or in the middle of a larger group gives you your privacy and allows you to decide if you want to be part of the bigger picture that evening.

Rule #3 Feed your hunger
If you are going to eat out, then eat out properly. Two courses, drinks, dessert, coffee etc are all part of the restaurant experience. If you just want a salad and a cup of coffee, then go toWoolies and Wimpy instead.

Rule #4 Enjoy your surroundings
If you are a people watcher, then observe your fellow diners. If you are a wannabe interior decorator, then admire the paintings, the wall hangings, the cutlery, the table mats and the chair backs. If you are a nervous wreck, then take a deep breath and smile. As long as you look comfortable on your own then you have nailed it.

Then again, if you are totally at ease pounding through a 4 course meal with a bottle of wine and a genuine air of nonchalance, you dont need these rules. I admire you.

25 things about me

1) I changed my first light bulb when I was 25 years old

2) I am scared of spiders, and I am not sure why

3) If I was not so afraid of my parents, my culture and what people thought of me, by now I would have a nose stud, an eyebrow ring, a piercing on my chin, a tongue ring, a couple of earrings on the top of my ear, a tattoo on both my upper arms, my ankle, my lower back, my hip and my shoulder.

4) I prefer waxing to shaving, even though it is so bludeh painful.

5) I started eating olives because I wanted to be a Bond girl. Martinis have olives and getting used to the taste of olives was the first step.

6) I have a crush on Wolverine but not on Hugh Jackman

7) I read The Pearl - an online collection of erotic stories and poems from the 19th century

8) I have a complex about wearing glasses that stems from primary school and the days of my upside down glasses

9) I can remember a dream I had when I was between the age of 4 and 6 - it was while we were still in Nigeria

10) I love perfumes - at the moment I have about 10 perfume varieties to choose

11) I am collecting Winnie the Pooh books

12) I went through a phase when green was my favourite colour and so I bought a lot of clothes in green

13) Monopoly is my all time favourite board game

14) I love dresses but I hardly wear them

15) Until the end of last year, I had never planned what I would want at my wedding

16) I have been in hospital only once - to get my wisdom teeth removed. (Being born in a hospital does not count. I will use social elitism and take it for granted)

17) My favourite image collection is one of various cities by night

18) I like playing with the centerpiece candle when at a restaurant

19) I get lonely and insecure at times

20) I enjoy watching cartoons

21) I use Google to stalk people (not just research for work; personal curiosity too)

22) I am still not completely sure of my times tables for 6, 7, 8, 9, 11 and 12

23) I often re-read my favourite books

24) When Apologize by OneRepublic came out, that was the only song on my playlist for 4 days and I listened to it continuously at work and at home

25) I judge restaurants by their dessert menu

Frozen moments #2

We were having drinks. It was early evening, the sun was setting and the candle lights we out. He leaned in towards me to ask a question, coming close to my face and angling his head so that it was in line with mine, almost like he was going to kiss me. As I mildly replied, the only thought racing through my mind was, "Thank goodness my eyes are too dark to see the pupils dialite."

Put your hands up!!

I love the concept of the Mexican Wave.

It is that action of getting thousands of people who dont know each other to do follow the lead of the person next to them. It is waiting for the right moment, to jump up from their seat with their hands in the air and a loud shout bursting from within. It is that energy, enthusiasm and spirit that makes a live game seem even more exciting. It is that feeling of being in the vortex of an action that travels around the entire stadium.

Just thinking about it puts a grin on my face :)

Frozen moments #1

I was locking my front door. All of a sudden I glanced over my left shoulder, at the window in the apartment next door and right into the eyes of an Adonis.

He stood with one hand holding the window bar in front of his chest and the other curved over his head, probably flat against the wall. He was topless, with a good body. I looked at his face; his blond hair messed up like he just woke up and dark dark eyes that held mine for a few seconds before I turned away, my heart thumping.

This is where I take the advice of those self help articles

I thought that after 25 years I would know myself pretty well. Then again, life would be completely boring if I had myself all figured out by the time I was 25.

This is a story of my amazing self control and the times that it comes to the surface.

Usually I am a creature of impulse. What I want I usually get and the sacrifice of waiting for something is a forced sacrifice that I do not take kindly to.

I was going to go into a whole philosophical analysis here, but then I decided that right now I actually don’t give a fuck about the analysis. Maybe later.. maybe never..

Ages ago I used to bite my finger nails. My nails were basically jagged edges, occasionally bitten right down to the edge where part of the finger nail tried to launch itself away from my finger. Then one day I heard a guy from a Boy Band that I stalked say that his secret habit was biting his nails. Right then and there I decided I did not want to bite my nails anymore. And I have not. Save for the few times when the nail was already tearing and the tear needed to be completed.

Now, I have given up meat for lent. Me, who eats around 2 chickens a week, plan to survive 40 days on veggies, fish and eggs. It has only been a week and a bit, but so far so good. I have not had any huge cravings and even survived a trip to KFC without going berserk.

Now where is that self control when I need it for other aspects of my life? Why cant I tap into this well of strength whenever I am faced with the need, any need? How does my brain decide which options deserve iron control and which ones can get away with the watered down version of iron?

And now I realise that I don’t want to be perfect, that I wouldn’t be who I am now if I had that unlimited self control for everything in my life, that I experienced life in all its colours and flashes because I wanted to and that I am perfectly content to turn around and go to sleep now.