The art of clubbing

I cant remember the last time I went clubbing on a Friday and Saturday night and enjoyed myself. Maybe here in CT, but the last confirmed one where I had a total blast (and can thus remember it) was in Grahamstown.

So considering my wide clubbing experience up to this point, there are certain characters I notice haunt the night life. They have different faces, come in different shapes and forms, but their intentions for the night are generally the same.

Here are a few examples:

The fashionista. This is generally in the female form. Tonight she is in possession of an article of clothing or accessory that was straight off the catwalk. Which is hot.. but not always handy. Example, the chick with the Chinese silk clutch bag. Looks great, but she ended up clutching the clutch bag in one hand, her drink under her arm and a cellphone in the other. Busy lady..

The loner tends to take on a male shape. On a crowded dance floor, there is one guy who dances his way across the entire area, constantly scanning the crowd, and often half heartedly tries to rub hips with the females on the dance floor. He is generally harmless and moves away after being ignored 5 seconds into his arrival.

The well dressed socialite can take on either form. They usually move from club to club, scene to scene, looking for a score / special someone. They talk to everyone but tend to be picky on who they lavish attention on. Alternatively, they can stand in one place and everyone comes to them. Either way, the spotlight is not far from the roving seeker.

Good timers encapsulate the rest of the night revellers. They are out to have fun. They drink, they dance, they flirt, they sing, they seduce, they chat, they bond, they get numbers, they get bruises, they deplete their money and eventually go to sleep the next morning with a smile on their faces from an awesome night out.

Decisions decisions..

So here I am at a crossroad again, about to make one of the biggest decisions of my life in a day’s time. Whichever way I take, there are highs and challenges. I have already made the decision.. so cross fingers it’s the right one.

Here is a pic I found that captures the contradictions perfectly. Towards the end of September the family came for a weekend. They took my Rogue and travelled across Cape Town. On Saturday I drove them to Cape Point. We squished in front of a bunch of Chinese tourists to take this pic. Aish.. life and its irony.. I love it!

On other news, my dragon has healed. Its skin has stopped shedding, its scales are not crusting and it it now ready to be revealed to the world.

Top five lists – Extreme mxiting

1. In the car while driving at 130km/h
2. In church
3. In a conference while sitting next to the boss
4. In church which is packed full of mallu parents and we are standing in front waiting to sing hymns
5. At 3 in the morning when u have to get up for work by 7:30 the next morning.

Top five lists – Benefits of being unemployed

1. No alarm clock blaring in your ear at ungodly hours (any time that you are forced awake is an ungodly hour).
2. No EMF from computers, cellphones and other electronic gadgets – being in an office setting means that the bad rays are more concentrated
3. Time to get on with life. Ever wondered what it would be like hitting the mall at 10 in the morning on a weekday? Its heaven!
4. You can choose the people that you interact with everyday. Unfortunately like family, you cannot pick ur colleagues. So you are forced to chat to them everyday; you have to say hello and even ask for their opinions on things.
5. No admin. No deadlines, no late nights at a desk, no stress from projects, no worries about other people’s money..
   

I found a new fav song.. i love it so much i think i am in danger of killing it slowly. Its the lyrics, the beat, the gentle piano that builds up at the second verse and the deeper cutting cello all put together that hooked me. Its Apologise - OneRepublic

"I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say
But I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
But wait...
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say..

That it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
(But that's nothing new)
Yeah yeah

I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue
And you say
Sorry like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
Woahooo woah

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, a yeah

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground"

Random on a deeper level

Random wkends have become part and parcel of life in CT for me. There was driving to Kalk Bay for a pee, there was walking along Long Street and taking photos outside Adult World, there was 20 of us trying to get into Hemisphere.. so I have come to accept these events as part of my memories of the Last Months of Freedom. But the last wkend was special.

Friday night started off with drinks. Given the small numbers that were there conversation was pretty deep and so more drinks were in order. Then the numbers grew, it was getting late, it was a beautiful night and we were reluctant to end the party. So we decided to take the hubbly to the beach and smoke it there. Sitting in the last car, watching the headlights of 4 cars cut the darkness as we weaved through the forests and hills, it reminded me that this is solely a CT experience – late at night, bunch of friends, driving through the mountain, on a mission to phuza.

Our first stop was the Republic of Hout Bay (need to get myself one of those passports), where I went for my customary dip in the ocean. We decided to go for a walk down the pier. Even with 8 guys, that place is creepy. The abandoned ships, the murky waters and the absolute silence broken by the ships creaking put the fear of monsters in us.

Next stop was Camps Bay, where we sat around talking until the lack of sleep hit us.

Saturday night was the usual order of drinks, tv and braai. Out of everything that happened that night, the most memorable was 5 of us crammed on the couch and mattress, talking until it was time to get up for breakfast. Sleepovers on such a level are very rare and I had forgotten how much fun it could be.

Sunday evening took us to Belugas, where we rehashed the events of the wkend. The drive back was like the perfect last step to complete the wkend.. 4 cars driving side by side, two on each lane, speeding through the curves and dips, weaving through traffic until it was time for us to split.

The difference between this wkend and the previous wkends was that this wkend was more about each other. This wkend was about bonding and getting to know everyone, while previous wkends were more about having fun and getting drunk. Which is great.. but not as great as phat chats and friends :)

Top five lists – How to have memories after a night out

1. Steal a shot glass that u have used. This way u know that u have been drinking something wonderful and it was fun
2. Save the incriminating smses you send and receive. There is a wonderful concept called ‘sent messages’ available on ur cellphone – now you can see how witty u were at 3 in the morning.
3. Party with friends who have strong stomachs, big mouths and hearts of gold. They will tell u (and everyone else who would listen) about what a mess you were. Make sure they are the types who would continue to tell the story a few weeks (or even months) after the event – this ensures that the memories don’t fade
4. Break a heel / tear a hole in your clothes / scratch ur car. Another physical reminder of your debaucherous night
5. Take photos. Whether its you with random person, you in random position or you pulling random face, nothing will remind u of that night more than ur own mugshot :)

Quotable Quotes

Knocked Up is one more the wittiest, cleverest and more honest movies I have seen in a long time. A thoroughly enjoyable movie, the one liners are sure to be a hit for future insults.

I started thinking about quotes from recent movies and books.. Here is a short list of some of the more memorable ones:

* "Let us toast to ur non-idiocy" – Ratatouille
* "Pussy Wagon.. You fucker!!" (hehe :)) – The Bride in Kill Bill 1
* "Ur so called exquisite art is only fit for Japanese fatheads!" – Pai Mei in Kill Bill 2
* "You know, I am so romantic sometimes I think I should just marry myself" – Mike Wazowski from Monsters Inc
* "I think I would miss u if I had never met you" (awwwwwww) – Nick from The Wedding Date
* "Just smile and wave, boys, smile and wave" – Skipper the penguin from Madagascar
* "There goes our last female" (aish..) – the dodo in Ice Age
* "First of all, its cretin. If you are going to insult me, do it properly" – Mike Wazowski from Monsters Inc
* "Shaken or Stirred?" James Bond replies "Do I look like I give a damn?" – Casino Royale
* "It runs off my back like duck’s water" – Vikram Seth’s A Suitable Boy
* "I love this moment so much I want to have sex with it" – Dr Cox from Scrubs
* Turtle: “If we get them tickets then they will fuck us.” E: "How do u know that?” Turtle: “cos they said if we get them tickets then they will fuck us” (lol.. cant argue with logic there!) – Entourage
* "Choose ur next words very carefully, u asshole. They may be ur last" (powerful words.. esp if u know the context) – Watermelon by Marian Keyes

Cheese and Whales

India won the Twenty20 World Cup in SA on 24 September 2007. Big day for the team – even ShahRukh Khan deemed it a match worth watching with his son and entourage. Its so great to see an Indian celeb back their sporting teams in this way.

While you are mentally giving SRK the thumbs up for his media appearance, check out his latest endorsement: Emami’s Fair and Handsome cream for Men.

This wouldn’t be that bad if the website wasn’t so blatantly cheesy. Here is their logic: You need fair skin. Else you are not good looking. Therefore people wont talk to you. And then you will start suffering from inferiority complex. That makes you a looser. Now go back into your hole (OK the last bit is mine.. currently climbing the height of Cynic City). Now I am all for men taking care of themselves and looking good. But once they start talking about a natural glow, Shobha De endorses having a gora chitta, and SRK’s pointing image pops up everywhere, then you might as well start all over again with a cheese factory.

Here are some views from around CT:

Spent the day at Llandudno Beach. This pic was taken along the way back, when we were in Camps Bay area.

Went to Table Moutain on my bday for the free cable car ride. Wow - what a gorgeous view. You could see the whole of Cape Town and on this clear day, even the edge of the world.

Hermanus during the whale festival. Stunning weather, awesome view, chilled out day. The mix of blues and greens in the water, the rising tide, the foaming waters, the millions of shells scattered on the beach and the blue sky that stretched for ever.. We even saw a couple of whales do their thing close to the cliffs.

It hit me this wkend that this could literally be the Last Few Months of Freedom. Aish..

Birthday.. means I am more mature now

So I didn’t get a tattoo for my birthday (due from the previous year) but it was still a pretty awesome week and place and state of mind to celebrate getting closer to my sell by date.

I got a bouquet of flowers from Pramod. Over this wkend I went through the bunch, throwing away old ones and trimming some of the longer lasting ones. I found some roses that I didn’t initially see, and due to some later explained events, it set me into thoughtful mood. And my conclusion is that somehow, a bunch of roses, tulips, lilies, African daisies and other pretty petals are more meaningful than an expensive Woolies voucher. See? You cant go wrong with flowers.

Other things that happened was supper and sushi, onam with the Cape Townians, a shot glass, a pony and two requests from a guy to make out with chicks. Nice lot of mallus here :)

Anyways, I hit Season 3 of Grey’s Anatomy this wkend. Damn.. thank goodness I watch that stuff on my own. There was something about this season that is incredibly emotional and raw and somehow manages to slip through the cracks of the wall inside. It makes you think about FEELINGS and EMOTIONS everything else you could happily ignore when u don’t have to think about things.

So if it were not for Grey’s I would not be happily content on my kitchen floor, surrounded by petals and stems, shifting the flowers around into a different arrangement. And if it were not for Grey’s I would not be left analysing those blasted feelings and realising I want more.

Experiencing CT201

In an attempt to experience everything CT has to offer I resorted to basic googling to end up with 101 things to do in CT. I am pleasantly proudly pleased to report that I have already done some of the things recommended by the website; whether I get to do everything else is only a matter of time and availability.

Anyways, recommendation #11 was to visit Stardust restaurant in Rondebosch. Its closeish enough to student life for it to be visited often but far enough for you to go there with the explicit intention of dining out there.

Stardust’s specialty is that it’s a cheaper version of Madame Zingara. Instead of R400 a head you are looking at an average of around R100. But you can still expect good food and a performance by the theatrical waiters in a chic restaurant.

Now here are the differences. Madame Z’s was sold out when I went there. Stardust had only 3 tables taken. Madame Z’s gave us an entertaining performance in between our meals. Stardust decided that 3 tables were not worth giving a performance for. Madame Z’s speciality was steak in chocolate chilli sauce. Stardust has a range of recommendations but no specialities.

So maybe I was expecting a lot, comparing Stardust to Madame Z’s. But besides the great Mediterranean food, the disappointing non-performance is not an incentive for me to go back. But there is one exception – their service (but only if u push for the service).

Here is the story. My waiter didn’t bring me my doggy bag and I was told towards the end of the evening that they had thrown the food away. Now I am not pointing fingers; that is not why I am writing this. Instead, its because after several exchanges and my insistence in speaking to the manager, they said they would give me a half portion of what I ordered. This half portion comes after I was first told there was nothing they could do as the food was already thrown away, then I was offered a side dish (only veg options available.. Hmm.. veg vs my seafood that was thrown away? No brainer!). After declining both options as well as the dessert they were willing to offer, we finally settled.

And it is only because of the final agreement that I am willing to consider going back to Stardust – if they can guarantee a performance!

Some random events..

I experienced the dreaded Cape Town weather everyone warned me about. All rain, no sign of sun except to tell us its daytime and time to go for work.. 1 week of rains made the skies grey, cleaned my car, chased away the rugby players and brought the seagulls and ducks to my window.




I found these twinling sisters in Hout bay near Marriners Warf. They dress alike, they have the same inflections in their voice, they think and speak the same, they probably practice a lot in front of the mirror, but they are incredibly entertaining, multi-lingual, sharp and humble.

The Soapgirls sing, entertain and sell soaps to raise money for charity. When I was there, they were raising money for a teaching hospital. If you are not a charitable person its worth taking the drive out to meet these girls, even if its just to hear them sing kajarare. And the most incredible thing about their project? They are 14 and 16 years old.

PS. Leave ego in the car – otherwise you wont see the brilliance in their tongue-in-cheek humour.

I went on a mini excursion to two famous places. One was Deshans – one of those typical Indian shops that has everything crammed into every corner. So if you are looking for plastic champagne bottles or Hrithik and Kajol dolls, Deshans is the place for you.

The other half of the tour took me to Wembley’s Roadhouse. This is the place where people come with long lunch lists and where every food item is recommended.

Chocolate covered..

One of the perks of this job is that I get to be involved in a lot of projects and events that happen in the office. The Manager’s Awards at Madame Zingara is an example. I get to wear a smart hat and handle the carefully crafted glass certificates. So easy i could do it in my sleep..




Madame Z’s is an experience. There are your usual waiters, tables, wine list and arty food from a mixed menu. That night’s specialty was the chocolate chilli fillet with fried noodles. Imagine chocolate with as spicy aftertaste. Imagine crunchy noodles, not cooked in oil, but somehow still crunchy, but dipped in chocolate. Imagine steak with a touch of chocolate. Imagine a hottie covered in chocolate ;)

Ok, there was no chocolate covered perve, but it was still a good night. Combining the idea of trapeze artists, the Three Fat Ladies, a juggler, theatrics and an entertaining MC with a four course meal is such a crowd puller. It’s a walking talking moving circus restaurant, and worth every penny the company spent on me. :)

Then there were the sights of Cape Town from UCT. Now that was a special experience – being able to sit and watch the traffic go by in the middle of the night, just sitting there, half separated from the rest of the world, yet still completely aware of everything around you. The best feeling was knowing that you are safe sitting on the side of the highway – something that can never happen in Jbrg

I still have to visit the beach. Someday..

Save Tonight!!

I also did a spot of jamming to Eagle Eye Cherry at the Armchair Theatre. Dunno why they call it the Armchair Theatre - its just a school hall without the chairs and with fancy lighting.

But it was worth it. I could sing along to two songs (Save Tonight and Falling in Love), but the rest of the concert kept me on my feeting bopping in time with the music. He played one tester song from his new album - it sounds ok enough (unfortunately I am not that much of an Eagle Eye Cherry fan that I can critically analyse his music).

Great entertainer. He even went to Gtown for a holla time there.

First steps in CT

Its not easy to get lost in CT. Firstly, the signs mean exactly what they say. Secondly and most important, there are no crazy drivers riding up ur ass, so u can take your time and look for the road signs.

So finding Arabella Sheraton was a quick drive. I met Charrlay Haterr, who very kindly introduced me to the bigwigs when they came in. Jim Quigley is more pleasant in real life than in photos, and reaching out to the people through his blog is one of the best things he has done for his reign.

I didn’t want to sit in that meeting (the morning was bad, this meeting would be a killer!) so I popped over to the V&A Waterfront to David-Livingstone-in-a-suit style exploration. It is an incredibly touristy place – the prices at the craft market are exorbitant and around every corner there is a tourist and his/her flock. Never mind the fashion models and cute guys who fall into 2 categories.

One thing I would never be able to do in Joburg is sit at gaze into the distance without looking like an idiot (and without getting shot, mugged and hijacked). So I sat on the bench and imagined. I imagined that I had someone to share the sunset with. I imagined that someone would tap me on the shoulder, give me a hug and smile at what I was doing. I imagined how I would look to someone, gazing into the distance, a stranger but feeling completely at peace. I imagined the last time I came there.



My alarm clock buzzed me out of my rather foolish fantasy. It was time to get the bus back to the hotel and back into the business world. While waiting for the taxi I took this pic of Table Mountain from the table view. This is what everyone comes to see. It’s a pretty sight - I know why people fall in love with this place.


I moved into my new place last night. Wow. The garden cottage is too plain compared to this place. Complete with petals in the toilet and recycled paper menus, it’s a really nice place to hang out.

Anyways.. I am Hair-ing tonight at Theatre on the Bay. Happy happy nudity! :)

The mysteries of life and trying not to make too much sense of it

One of the major mysteries of life is about louwwe and trying to find that ever lasting louwwe that fairytales talk about so much. You like person, person likes you – all that is a bit more difficult to achieve when u are actually living the life. There are issues, complications, reasons, influences, other people and myriad of other reasons why that happily ever after is not likely to appear.

The hard and fast rule is that love is a mission and happily ever after is kinda difficult to achieve in this world. There are so many rules and regulations in this process that u cant really relax and fall in love.

But all hope is not lost. Thanks to Rejiville, Wanjcha and Papa Nandos who have taken the time and thought to come up with some guidelines in the path to true love.

The first step in achieving true love is in understanding The Looks™. The Looks™ are part of an intricate dance used by both parties to gauge whether the other person is interested. Remember that subtlety is the key to practising The Looks™ - body language, facial expressions, eyebrows and hangdog expressions are all included in this step.

1st Look – This is where you check out the opposite sex. You suss them out to make sure there are 10 fingers and 10 toes, the face is presentable and the bod is shaped in a way that doesn’t repulse you. It is the initial glace to get the basics.

2nd Look – This is sometimes a natural progression from the 1st Look. You are interested, you check to see if the other person is interested, you smile, open your eyes wide, raise you eyebrows and try some flirtatious looks without coming across as leeching.

3rd Look – This is a jump from the 2nd Look, where, for some reason the 2nd Look did not achieve the desired results and the connection must be severed. The sad, parting look is NOT the end of it all – rather it says “its over for now; consider what could have been but is not, and lets try the 2nd Look next time”.

4th Look – This is another jump from the 3rd Look. This time the meanings are completely on another track because you or the other person fucked up on the first 3 Looks. When you reach this point it signals the end of the relationship, where one person’s look says ‘I like you, please like me back’, but the other person’s look radiates pure hate and anger. If you carry on with this look then you are on the verge of moving into stalking – a no-go area!

Tune in next time for the second instalment of this post.

The Last Months of Freedom (TM) (C)

Anuscha is away for the week so I stayed at Nischy’s place the other night. I had the leftover biriyani for supper (the biriyani I was eyeing the previous day but was too stuffed from lunch to ask if I could have it then!), we watched tv, chatted a bit and went to sleep. As Nisch and I tried to find a comfortable spot with equal share of the blanket I thought about the past year and my life at the moment.

It has been a momentous year and half, but I think I have finally settled into lifestyle in Jbrg. But the one thing that has been bugging me is the issue at home and its current state of death. I didn’t realize how much it has affected me until that night, when for the first time in ages I felt like I was home. There was such a strong feeling of peace and calmness that I could feel the tension just slip away, unknown tension that I had built up over the weeks and months, tension that woke me up every morning in a rush of anxiety and alertness, tension that just disappeared the following morning into nothing.

So, another sub-point to add to the main reason of moving to CT.. sweet freedom!

“They forgot I grew up”

These words explain another person’s actions while throwing me into a huge confusion. I am not really clear why I am in turmoil, but let me try and explain it to u and to myself.

When I started this blog I said that I find it difficult to accept change. Not that change is bad, but because change might be worse than what I have now. In some cases, I have adapted to the change, but in other cases it feels like I was better off without the change and need another change to counteract the current change.

Make sense? Ok, lets carry on.

One of the changes that need to be addressed is my unwillingness to grow up. Why? Because I am scared of what the future might bring, because I am growing up and seeing how uncertain it is and I am clamouring to go back to 18 years, because.. because I finally have to prove that I can be responsible for myself and other people around me.

Why is this affecting me so much? Could be because I am comparing myself to other people, could be that this is something I have kept at the back of my mind for so long and now I am forced to face it (classic example of something having to come and kick me in the ass before I notice it), could be because this train of thought has brought some other issues to the surface.

Eergh.. maybe I just need more time to figure out my life. Maybe I just need to escape. So this year is either going to be the last months of insanity before I grow up, or a revelation to the grown up version of me..

*Cut! It’s a wrap! Camera off, dim the lights, roll away the fake scenery..*

What the hell is the grown up version of me??

I ARE SPARTAAAAAAAN

This is another moment when I wonder how different I am to the other chicks out there. I went to watch 300 last night.. and I enjoyed it immensely. Sure, 300 half naked, incredibly buff guys with rippling six-packs was great eye and mind candy, but the story line was a bit more than half decent and the action sequences were Matrix-like stimulating. Reference shot to where the head Spartan Leonides does a turn-around, touch-the-ground, kill-a-baddie, take-a-step kind of fight routine..

I don’t really know what to make of the violin playing goat, or the great bumbling pachyderms that fall off the cliff (were they pushed?) into the water with very little splash, or the gay king who holds court with nubile lesbians.. but who cares.. if 300 men can run around in their undies, who am I to stop a goat from doing his thing?

The girl behind us provided a lot of entertainment too.. cue Leonides fighting with drooling giant ogre, ogre gets sword in his arm, spear in his eye, still fighting (“come on and die already!”), ogre’s head gets chopped off (“eeeuuggghhhhhhhhh”). Another shot of billions and billions of blue blistering arrows flying towards Leonides (“all that for one guy?”)


Anyways, I have a new fav comic strip.. it does not in anyway replace the misadventures of Calvin and Hobbes, but Buckles’s innocent exploration of the world around him is incredibly amusing and loveable.

Crouching Cat, Hidden Tortoise

I was driving back home after work the other day on an unusual high, in one of those silly moods that stood to send me to a loony bin soon. Singing along to Seal and Matchbox 20, I spotted a Ford Ka zooming up in my rear view mirror. So in honour of that dinky car my mouth opened to produce a loud nasal ‘kaa’. Like those Indian crows on a mission to get the last banana. I was on such a zing from the first ‘kaa’, so I tried it again. And again, louder, from the throat, prolonging the vowels, trying out different inflections. Enjoying the raucous sound that over-rode Rob Thomas I failed to notice the avid interest from the car next to me – the driver leaning over the steering wheel looking at me in half amazement, half concern, and the passenger staring at me incredulously as if to confirm if such a sweet face could possible hide a lunatic mind. But you know that burning feeling that pierces your senses when someone is staring at you? Yeah, that was my revelation to my audience and their wide open mouths.

I really don’t know why I kaa-ed. I don’t know why the sound of the kaa was so appealing. But I do know the inspiration for the kaaing is from the Ford Ka’s shape – imagine a cat on the verge of an attack, with its back arched, fur raised and tail sticking high up in the air. Now imagine a tortoise does that (impossible though it may seem). Now add growing potion to tortoise, replace legs with wheels and put gigantic cat/tortoise with wheels on the road. That’s your Ford Ka.

In light of the random thoughts that float around in my head here are some more gems:

After a morning of horse riding, Julz and I were discussing the horsey structure. Julz said the horses’ legs are hollow, I replied, “so why don’t horses fly? Pegasus did.”
I guess the modern horses have evolved since Pegasus’s days.

I love InDesign and PhotoShop – they are a creative genius’s dream come true. Then I met Flash. I decided that I would shag PhotoShop, but have babies with Flash.
These are design software. Computer programs. Don’t ask.

Somehow I managed to convince The Wanj that he is a porcelain toilet. Dunno how. But I am good. Here is confirmation:
me: u still a ceramic toilet!!!!
Sanju: percelain toilet i should add!!!

Rant

I didn’t have anything else to write about besides my rant. I wrote the original one about 2 weeks ago but the issue still pertains so I thought it might be worth sending this to my blog to see how it turns out..

"good news: i am being active again! gym once a week.. took part in the big marathon this last wkend.. was only the 10 km walk.. but was tiring and fun.. so until next year.. but on the brighter side.. i started the hunt for a decent badminton club in joburg.. i often get invited to play with the other malayalees in pretoria.. but u know me.. living with one malayalee is bad enough.. last thing i need is for them to infiltrate every aspect of my life! :p and action cricket starts sometime in april.. its a company marketing team.. i am captaining the ladies team.. i guess all that training in the past trying to get the indians to play badminton matches in pe is paying off! shooting is also going well.. but its a bit expensive so i have seriously cut down on that. also i am saving up for my tattoo.. will let u know when, what and how it goes down!!

bad news:
rant! my boss is the laziest bitchest cow i have ever known.. i have never worked with someone as self-centered and moronic as her.. not even at rhodes surrounded by all those indians! she sits on her ass all day long emailing her friends and chatting to them on the phone while sending her work through to me.. initially i used to send the stuff right back to her but now she has started cc-ing in the big boss. *fuckkkk* i think one of her chommies read parts of this email while she was talking to me.. aish.. back to the rant.. yeah.. i cant even go to my big boss cos they are pretty close and i dont think the big boss will actually do anything about it cos of office politics and that shit.. now i am stuck in a shitty place where i have loads of work to do and i actually enjoy doing that.. but i also have to run around with some arb time wasters that the cow wants me to do cos it is just beyond her means to get off her ass and make a phone call or take a photo.. its shittiest things about this whole situation is that i get put under a lot of pressure trying to do that cow’s work as well as mine.. AND i am not the only one complaining about this cow.. there are other ppl in the department who noticed that she is a lazy ass dimwit who is promoted just because she is a black.. talk about riding on the coat tails of apartheid! this cow doesnt know work if it came up and kicked her in the face! but it only affects me because i am working directly under her and i cannot get a promotion unless they promote her and frankly they cannot promote her any higher cos she know FUCKALL about everything.. and there is only so far u can get by being a black bimbo

anyways.. i have some food in my tummy now.. i am not that cranky now.. the world is a better place and my boss is still a peabrained cow."

You, me and a DIY book

Phwaaar! The power of a crush.. the excitement and colour it adds to life.. the mystery, the intrigue, the scent, the gaze, the caress, the dreams.. let the hunt begin!

In light of that, here is my advice column for the day:

How to court a guy in 10 steps

1. He is attractive. You are attracted. That is good enough reason to move in for the kill. Smile and use any excuse to look at him. And while you are looking, daydream. The far-off look can throw him in turmoil as he has no idea what is going on in ur head.

2.
Show off your best features. Whether this is ur profile, ur gentle breathing or ur graceful seating posture, make sure he has the best viewing seat in the house. But DO NOT sit on his lap. That kind of viewing seat is not meant for the hunt.

3.
American culture encourages women to show off their boobs. Japanese culture promotes the inner wrist. Mallu culture upholds the fragrant display of oily oily hair. The modern woman encompasses all these cultures into the presentation of one unobtrusive body part: the elbow. The delicate knobbiness of the bone is known to throw many a man into delirious fantasies, while the uphill slope to your palm reaches out to his vulnerable side. Your strong muscle will bring out the manliness in him. Never underestimate the angle of ur hand when u flash him ur elbow - the correct slant and pose will have him on his knees for more.

4.
Get his attention. Easiest way is to trip and fall. He will come and help you up and that’s ur cue to ask him for his number, his house keys and a drink.

5.
Essentially all men are mommy’s boys. Find out who his mother is and emulate her. Shop at the same shops as her, buy similar clothes, go to the same hairdresser, get to know her friends and then get to know her son *nudge nudge wink wink* .

6.
Men louwwe sports. All sports. As long as balls are involved they are happy. So learn the basics of each and every ball sport and drop witty one-liners about his ball skills when he is sitting with his mates in front of the TV. He will applaud ur wit and his mates will be impressed by his choice of woman.

7.
Look after his ego. One way is to stall your car. When he slows down to help you, start ur car again and race him to the robots, but let him win by the nose of his car. When he crowns himself as king of the relationship encourage him by revving ur engine and hooting. Then race him properly.

8.
Very basic. Cook, clean and laugh at his jokes. Never underestimate the power of the warm fuzzy feeling.

9.
The best things in life are free. Like praise, food, louwwe and a clean house. Once you have him then you can ask, ‘so where is my Porsche?’

10.
Find out all his dreams and fantasies about his ideal girl. Become that perfect girl. Know what his family approves of as his soul mate. Become that girl as well. Make sure everyone knows that you are the best thing to happen to him since the massaging chair. Once you have the marriage contract signed, sealed and locked in a vault go back to your normal self.

Disclaimer
Thanks to Mone Dinesha for some inspiration in writing this post. His attempts to win over a girl are greatly amusing and his engaging view on life is truly unique.

Babel – the actors or the director?

This is one of those movies I watched only because it was nominated for many awards (and won a few).

Babel refers to the Bible’s Tower of Babel concept, where communication across cultures, generations and family is a problem. What stuck out for me was not the miscommunication between everyone involved in the movie, but rather the difference between American and other civilizations. Example 1: When Richard and Susan stop for a break, Susan asks for a Diet Coke, brings out her knife and fork and throws away the ice because ‘you don’t know what was in the water’. Example 2: Mike and Debbie’s reaction to the chicken decapitation (true, I was also nauseous from that scene onwards but I think hormones played a part too). Example 3: At the end the newsreader says ‘happy Americans can stop wringing their hands’ because Susan is fine and back in civilization.

Superior or patronizing? The writer and director are not American so I am not sure if they really believe the American Dream is the only dream, or if they just wanted to contrast American culture with the rest of the world.

I love the non-linearly path the movie takes. What happened in the beginning is repeated in the end, but from a different perspective. Just when you think the story is concluding the credits roll up. End of movie? Yes. End of story? Not really. The American tale is complete but there are so many questions and loose ends in the lives of the other characters. Example 1: What did Chieko write in the final note to Mamiya? If it is not important why is it in the movie? Who is telling the truth about the death of the mother, Chieko or her father, Yasujiro? Example 2: What happened to Santiago after he drops off Amelia and the kids? Example 3: What happens to Yussef after he surrenders? Does Ahmed live or die?

It’s a good movie if you try and put it in the ‘Art’ category. But like everything else, it leaves you hanging. You ask not about the reasons behind the movie, but instead wonder ‘and then?’

The Perfect Player

I watched my first episode of Nip/Tuck last night. I heard it was kinda controversial, but it wasn’t so much the beautification, the hot guys, the scandal or the sexiness of the show that grabbed me.. it was the opening scene of Christian Troy (Julian McMahon of Charmed fame) banging one of his nurses for a DIY Internet video, the potential humiliation that he could face (that’s why TV does not put heroes in compromising positions) and his egoistical comeback to the sight of his bare ass on public display that made me decide that it was a show worth watching.

I am drawn more to Christian than Sean McNamara (Dylan Walsh.. still to make a mark in my movie world) mainly because his behaviour is familiar and very intriguing. His ego overwhelms his morality and gives him a seamless retort for every situation that would leave most people hiding in a corner. And for someone to take as many blows as he did in just two episodes deserves respect! A lesson or two could be learnt in every episode.

Sean, on the other hand, epitomises the player who has settled but still cannot break free of his old habits. He cheats on his wife, he falls back in love with her, he is confused but kind hearted; his character is more common than that of Christian.

I mean, its Christian.. who else would emotionally blackmail his boss (who treats him more as a friendly enemy than a friend) for a shag just so that he can cross off another woman on his to do list?

The theme song is sexy, fresh and perfect:
The Engine Room - A Perfect Lie
Make me beautiful....
Make me........
Perfect soul
Perfect mind
Perfect face
A perfect life

The night of the Big Bang

At SunCity.. notice the token black guy hanging on to my legs :) Jokes.. he was the trampoline bouncer..

From PartyHouse.. Jim wasnt in the best of states when he took the pic

My two week holiday is coming to an end and it is very likely that it might end off with a bang. A bang at Suncity or a bang at the shooting range or a bang having a blast somewhere with special people.

The holiday started off with the Onam 2006 Reunion party.. complete with video screening and embarrassing mallus. Prashant did an awesome job revamping the video through tighter editing. I stayed the night at Nischy’s place and spent Sunday helping her cook for the dinner party. Muchos respect to Nisch for spending all day in the kitchen cooking a scrumptious meal for 11.

Move on to the week at work – nothing worth mentioning except that the time at home followed the basic routine to eat chips in front of the TV, put loud music, sing, watch TV until late, leave a mess behind me wherever I went and basically take slobbing digs life to a new level. :)

Julz and I had dinner one evening. Initially we drove around Chilli Lane looking for a decent sit-down place that was open.. unfortunately some airlines people were having a rowdy work function so we moved to Rivonia Boulevard. The place was good, food was yummy and the company awesome. :) Afterwards it was drinks at my place. (Just realized how dodgy that sounds.. sorry Julz!)

Did movie (The Departed) and drinks with Rejiville on Friday night, spent Saturday morning bumming around home before going to Seemchi’s place for Sheena’s baby shower (btw, when I get pregnant I want a Sheena-like structure.. same figure except for the beach ball tummy). Sunday afternoon was the pool party and braai (lol.. I was the only one who knew how to swim.. Rejiville was decent.. except that he did not know how to stop!). Sunday evening ended off with supper at Renosh’s place (note to self.. Anuscha dislikes Fordsburg biriyani!)

Watched Blood Diamond on Tuesday with the goof troop. Great movie, complete with goosebump after effects and increased respect to Leo for doing more substantial roles that his previous sensitive pretty boy characters. In this movie his South African accent was overdone, peppered with too many SA slangs but totally credible for the American audience.

The conference dinner went well (oh my gosh.. EXCO knows who I am!), even though it looked like it might go horrible wrong (herdie boer maak a plan). The conference was fucking amazing, we pulled off such an incredible product and event. Anyways, afterwards we post-mortemed the conference over vodka, went home to finish my bottle of wine and drove to Nischy’s place for some TLC and a some news that I am still trying to wrap my head around.

I don’t know what the plans are for tonight but I certainly wont be sitting at home my myself. Suncity tomorrow, or perhaps a bangra afterwards. Whatever, I am looking forward to that.

I don’t know if my holiday ends on Saturday or Sunday. But its been emotional.. ;)