Memories

It's amazing how a memory is triggered. A trail of thoughts could lead back to the past, a smell that is bottled up and kept forever in time, a song about feelings and scenes and love and life and smiles. There are specific things for specific people in specific compartments that is the Pandora Box of my mind.

Bodyshop's White Musk belongs to CT, Old Biscuit Mill and V. Bastardising words, regular piss ups and easy friendship slot into life with AA. Right side partings, mustaches and the waiting grandfather reminds me of A. I remember that dream with I think of Close to the Edge by Solex. Stealing things is who I was. Reposte is who I was. Fallen Angel is who I connected with. JS's flute, ride it, etc start up Rhodes memories.

Many things are not here with me. But all it takes is one small reminder and the past floods and overwhelms me. Emotions in a wave that I can't explain but I want to ride them out. Some memories hurt, but they remind me I am still living.

Where is the journey taking me?

This is my way of taking the steps to move forward. To try and figure out where I am going, what I am meant to be. A way of drawing out my positives to get to my purpose.

I want to be able to look back at this post in an year's time and know that today is when I started to turn things around. So here is my plan for the future.

Healthy
Daily exercise. Through long brisk walks, running, body mechanics such as yoga or pilates, in the gym. I want a leaner, more muscular body. Strong, straight back, flatter tummy. I will eat healthy, have fewer binge snacking and chips inhaling episodes.

Life Goals
I am running my own business. I have a desk and a computer. Marketing related, writing, designing, selling a new look. It is successful enough to look after the family. And I want to achieve this on my own.

Spirituality
I need to forgive myself and everyone in my life and move on. Find a way to connect back to God. Pray more often, pray for myself as well. Give meditation a try. Spend an hour outside, just breathing in and letting go of my worries.

Relationships
Have a more understanding relationship with Amma. As in, understand immediately, not after the words have been said. Take a deep breath and count to 5 before answering. Do one thing a week that gets me meeting new people. Exchange numbers and follow up with the ones whose company I enjoyed.

Hobbies
Outdoors lifestyle. Hiking, beaches, exploring the world. Travel to Europe. Visit Paris and Venice. Learn French!


My goal for the week - explore my passions and interests. When I wake up every morning, what can I do that will involve my full efforts? A task to achieve each day.

Momsicles 402

Today something great happened. I went for a free yoga in the park. Everyone else's scheduled shifted around to accommodate my yoga session. Not me trying to fit it in in the middle of life but other things moved out of the way for this. More proactive.

I had one hour to myself. One hour stretching my body into elegant poses while squinting into the setting sun. One hour of the river breeze on my skin, my mind empty of most 'to dos', not thinking of anyone's wants. Just yogaing and listening to the instructor say things like "breathe into the back left lung", or "feel the skin on your forehead move down to your nose".

Afterwards I made a friend, I asked for an alternate freebie, I made small talk with our neighbor's dog and I felt good about myself. I was happy again. The colours were there.