Ammachy

My Ammachy passed away last night. Friday 18 Dec 2015 at 9:25am in India. She was surrounded by her children, who had arrived from around the world to spend time with her. Amma said that the morning she passed away she was smiling, she was happy, she acknowledged everyone around her. She passed away with prayers said around her. She is peaceful now, she is with God.

I remember Ammachy as the person who had infinite wisdom to see past the blinkers that the family wore. She understood people, relationships, marriages, births, children better than others. In her calm, elderly way, she gave her opinion on decisions in the family. Even though she was frail, she insisted on coming to Edathua to say goodbye to Appy.

When we used to live in India, I remember Ammachy as the person who made killer crab curry. Appacha brought home a parrot one evening and the next day Ammachy opened the cage for the bird to fly out. She put up with Appacha bringing home a dog. I remember Barkus and Douglas, who barked at everything and Ammachy’s constant rebuke of “po patti!” I remember making jasmine chains in the mornings and every time I asked Ammachy for a needle and thread she would caution me against putting the needle in my mouth. I remember Ammachy always telling me to be careful when I climbed the steps to the terrace. I remember plucking lemons from the tree and asking Ammachy for salt and chilli powder to put on the sliced halves. I remember Ammachy watching serials in the evenings and being enthralled by it.

Ammachy called Thea ‘Poddi Koche’ and often asked "Poddi evedah?" (where is Poddi?)

Ammachy is survived by 2 daughters, 1 son, 1 son in law, 1 daughter in law, 6 grandchildren and 5 and a half great grandchildren. Rest in peace, Ammachy. You lived a great life.

Differences between the 1st and 2nd pregnancy

1) The first pregnancy is an incredible gift. It is the joy of knowing that your body can work miracles and bring a mini me into the world. We told the parentals and sibling immediately and made the social media announcements as soon as we hit the 12 week mark. For number 2, it was still amazing joy and love for the little bunch of cells. But we waited an extra week for confirmation from the doc before telling the family. And it has been 22 weeks and counting – and we still haven’t made the social media announcement.

2) With the first pregnancy, I knew exactly how far along I was, right down to the days. I counted down the weeks and days left for D-day. I could rattle off the veggie / fruit comparison, size and weight of the bub and what it was up to in my womb. For the second one, I have to rely on a pregnancy tracker app to tell me how far along I am and the current weight. Speaking of, hold on while I check bub’s size. Oh, it’s a spaghetti squash.

3) First pregnancy had us thinking about baby names as soon as we knew the gender. We had lists of potentials that we discussed, sounded out, googled meanings about and eventually had one name on the list when T was born. FYI, for WEEKS we initially wanted to call her Naya, which means bitch in Malayalam. Thank goodness for google that we didn’t have to reveal our extreme ignorance of our mother tongue. 2^nd one – I decided on a name from the start. And we both like it. Haven’t come up with any new names yet. To be honest, haven't been doing a lot of research on names so far..

4) Clothes! First one had us shopping for onesies and jumpsuits from the start. Bought cute little tops, pants, vests, socks and everything else a newborn could wear. We had clothes in all the sizes until she would turn 6 months. The second one is getting hand me downs from her big sister. But we still need to buy the new born clothes because we donated T’s first outfits when we moved. Bub 2 must be pleased with this.

5) Baby gear! Same story as above. The planning started early and the buying went all out. All sorts of shit that I used once and then stopped. Or never used. I learnt my lesson, you big baby marketing companies! Bub 2 is getting the bare essentials and nothing else. I guess the other influencer is that we used to live in a 4 bedroom house. Now we have a 1 bedroom apartment.

6) There are a billion and one articles around the web that tells pregnant women what to eat, what not to eat, how much to eat, how to eat and which side to chew on. I followed all the guidelines strictly for the first pregnancy. With the 2^nd one, I am avoiding raw food and alcohol. Otherwise, bring on the hot dogs, deli meats, salad bars, chips, chocolates and everything else!

7) Similar to what not to eat, there are also a million articles on what to do, what not to do, how to do things etc. Can you image, there is even advice on how to sleep! First pregnancy I lay on my left side all the time, even though I had terrible heartburn. 2^nd pregnancy I have lain in all positions, including my stomach and back.

8) Gender. I had very high expectations on what order I wanted the kids' gender to be. Boy then girl. Because that is what I grew up with. When we found out T was a girl, it took me a few days to get over the disappointment. With the second bub, it took me 1 second to digest the fact that we are having another girl and then I got all excited. I was just happy to have a healthy, fully formed baby kicking around inside me.

Maybe with hindsight, I now know what to expect and what I need when baby comes. Maybe because I am constantly chasing a toddler I don't have time to spend hours planning the best outfits and baby gear. The similarity between the two pregnancies is that I cant wait to meet this little bug when the time is right. I love you both and I pray for you both to be happy and loved all your lives.