Cancer picked our family last year December. Being half way across the world meant that while I heard the news and had the conversations, it was still something intangible. I was not around to see the weight loss, or the grimace of pain. I didnt see the appetite whittle from 4 slices of bread for breakfast to barely 1 slice. There were a lot more signs.
So I packed my bags and returned home. I had to. Family support, because I wanted to see for myself, because it wasnt as bad as they said it was, because he sounded fine over the phone, because I still hung on to that aura of immortality that I have carried since I was a teenager. Not me, not us.
He looked a lot thinner when I saw him, but apparently that was much better than December, before the protein meal shakes. "OK", I thought. "He looks fine. We will see the doctor, start the chemo and all will be good."
Yeah, all went well. Until the side effects of the chemo reared their head. Every research and every advice we had received from the doctors warned about hair loss, nausea, diarreah, struggling to swallow etc. Those are the more common symptoms.
Well, I have one more to add to the list. Excessive sweating because the body cant handle the toxicity of the chemo and starts to reject it. Loss of sodium from the excessive sweating and loss of appetite, even for liquids. Memory loss because of the loss of sodium. Extreme tiredness from the electrolyte imbalance. And finally, a seizure when the sodium level is critically low.
2 hours of sleep in the car in front of the Pietersburg hospital, a drive back to the Joburg hospital with P conveying news from the ambulance, arriving at the hospital to see him walking about, sitting on the bed and chatting about random stuff to take his mind off things, visitors popping in and out to make sure everything was ok, the doc telling us that luckily there was no clot from the seizure, making sure he was stable and eventually getting home. That was literally and figuratively the longest day of my life. And at the end of the day, when I realised what a narrow escape we have had, thats when reality sunk it.
Immortality had disappeared. This was the real deal, with fears, doubts, questions and worries, and only a prayer to get us through.
