Never ever did I imagine what the end would be like. For all the research I did, I did not even think about the final stages and what it would be like. Because it wasnt meant to be in the final stages, not now at least.
So this is my post analysis and research on what happened. A was admitted for respiratory distress - lung infection, most likely pneumonia. The doctor said it was unlikely he would leave the hospital. Silly me, I thought we would be at the hospital for days maybe weeks, certainly not a few hours. Post analysis: the doctor was basically just bidding time and the nurses did not bother to resuscitate.
Watching someone you love die is one of the most painful and heart wrenching experiences. Actually watching him take his last breath and remembering that moment just twists me inside.
When I was reading up later, I found out that most cancer patients end up having a heart attack or respiratory problems when the body finally shuts down. The mystery of the multiplying devouring cancer cells end when the heart stops and the lungs dont have oxygen. The cancer is so destructive that it self-destructs in the end. Which is worse, having mindless self-destructive cancer or smart cancer cells that take the body near the end, but not over the edge?
I realised that you can get to a point where you are stripped of all dignity and it doesnt even matter. For A, for us. You just dont fucking care about things. Except, right now, for those unexpected and quick urges to bitch slap a few people we encountered in the medical profession.
There are many questions and most of them start with 'why'. To God: Why A? To the doctors: How? He didnt drink, didnt smoke, he exercised, watched his weight and diet etc. (Take your theories about healthy living and shove it.) What happened, what went wrong, why did they say it was under control, why didnt they do anything in the end.
Another why question: why do people feel hungry and thirsty before they die? It happened with Edathua Ap and Edathua Am, and now A. Is it the body or the mind asking for food?
Final question for A: Is it nice up there with God? Is it everything that you lived for?
