I was locking my front door. All of a sudden I glanced over my left shoulder, at the window in the apartment next door and right into the eyes of an Adonis.
He stood with one hand holding the window bar in front of his chest and the other curved over his head, probably flat against the wall. He was topless, with a good body. I looked at his face; his blond hair messed up like he just woke up and dark dark eyes that held mine for a few seconds before I turned away, my heart thumping.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
This is where I take the advice of those self help articles
I thought that after 25 years I would know myself pretty well. Then again, life would be completely boring if I had myself all figured out by the time I was 25.
This is a story of my amazing self control and the times that it comes to the surface.
Usually I am a creature of impulse. What I want I usually get and the sacrifice of waiting for something is a forced sacrifice that I do not take kindly to.
I was going to go into a whole philosophical analysis here, but then I decided that right now I actually don’t give a fuck about the analysis. Maybe later.. maybe never..
Ages ago I used to bite my finger nails. My nails were basically jagged edges, occasionally bitten right down to the edge where part of the finger nail tried to launch itself away from my finger. Then one day I heard a guy from a Boy Band that I stalked say that his secret habit was biting his nails. Right then and there I decided I did not want to bite my nails anymore. And I have not. Save for the few times when the nail was already tearing and the tear needed to be completed.
Now, I have given up meat for lent. Me, who eats around 2 chickens a week, plan to survive 40 days on veggies, fish and eggs. It has only been a week and a bit, but so far so good. I have not had any huge cravings and even survived a trip to KFC without going berserk.
Now where is that self control when I need it for other aspects of my life? Why cant I tap into this well of strength whenever I am faced with the need, any need? How does my brain decide which options deserve iron control and which ones can get away with the watered down version of iron?
And now I realise that I don’t want to be perfect, that I wouldn’t be who I am now if I had that unlimited self control for everything in my life, that I experienced life in all its colours and flashes because I wanted to and that I am perfectly content to turn around and go to sleep now.
This is a story of my amazing self control and the times that it comes to the surface.
Usually I am a creature of impulse. What I want I usually get and the sacrifice of waiting for something is a forced sacrifice that I do not take kindly to.
I was going to go into a whole philosophical analysis here, but then I decided that right now I actually don’t give a fuck about the analysis. Maybe later.. maybe never..
Ages ago I used to bite my finger nails. My nails were basically jagged edges, occasionally bitten right down to the edge where part of the finger nail tried to launch itself away from my finger. Then one day I heard a guy from a Boy Band that I stalked say that his secret habit was biting his nails. Right then and there I decided I did not want to bite my nails anymore. And I have not. Save for the few times when the nail was already tearing and the tear needed to be completed.
Now, I have given up meat for lent. Me, who eats around 2 chickens a week, plan to survive 40 days on veggies, fish and eggs. It has only been a week and a bit, but so far so good. I have not had any huge cravings and even survived a trip to KFC without going berserk.
Now where is that self control when I need it for other aspects of my life? Why cant I tap into this well of strength whenever I am faced with the need, any need? How does my brain decide which options deserve iron control and which ones can get away with the watered down version of iron?
And now I realise that I don’t want to be perfect, that I wouldn’t be who I am now if I had that unlimited self control for everything in my life, that I experienced life in all its colours and flashes because I wanted to and that I am perfectly content to turn around and go to sleep now.
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