It finally hit me. Well, its actually been coming at me for a while, but yesterday on the way back it really came and bit me on the nose. The revelation is that although I have spent the last 5 years trying to create my identity, I have to create a new one.. one that fits into the mallu culture.

While at Rhodes I didnt care much what the mallus thought of me (just the family). Now I am living with mallus, surrounded by mallus, go to mallu functions and mallu church and am doing all things mallu. Not completely all things mallu (thank goodness.. I dont want to shoot myself) but mostly all things mallu.

I dont like this. I hate having to find myself after being lost for so long. I hate thinking I will have to change my tastes and opinion just to fit in with the others. I hate being stuck doing only mallus things.

Who knows, maybe I will change.. adapt.. cos I cant decide which is the lesser of two evils: being a mallu, or stuck on the outside, even with the family.

Heading off to Meropa for supper. We will see how it goes...