I am sitting at my desk bopping to a song in my head. Its not one of those irritating songs.. I can work and even have a phone conversation with the music as background in my head. Anyways, the song is 'Stand by me', by methinks The Fugees.
"I wont cry.. I wont cry.. no iiiiiiiiii... wont shed a tear... just as along.. as you stand.. stand by meee".. and "I wont be afraid.. just as long... as you stand... stand by meeee".
You know, sometimes thats all you need to make life liveable. Someone to stand by you. And that person lets you know that he/she will stand by you. And that person should know that you know he/she will stand by you.
So Pramod, if you ever read this, I need you to let me know (I know you wont tell me) that I can trust you, that I am safe with you. Not cos you are under blood obligations to protect me, but cos you want to.
I know I am a shithead also, but I am trying to work on it.
Anyways, I read H's emails again. *Sigh* It was a bietjie shit and a bietjie difficult, but I was at my happiest. Happiest long term over a couple of months, not happiest one night cos of a lot of drinks and some TLC.
Part of me is still holding out, but even if it doesnt happen.. "I wont cryy.. no iiiiiiiiiii.. wont shed a tear.. just as long.. as you stand.. stand by meeeeee".
That 'you' can be anyone. Anyone I trust, anyone I feel comfortable with, anyone who doesnt judge me, anyone I can be good maites with, anyone who is a good buddy, anyone I can be myself with. And thats ONE person that I am talking about.
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