These words explain another person’s actions while throwing me into a huge confusion. I am not really clear why I am in turmoil, but let me try and explain it to u and to myself.
When I started this blog I said that I find it difficult to accept change. Not that change is bad, but because change might be worse than what I have now. In some cases, I have adapted to the change, but in other cases it feels like I was better off without the change and need another change to counteract the current change.
Make sense? Ok, lets carry on.
One of the changes that need to be addressed is my unwillingness to grow up. Why? Because I am scared of what the future might bring, because I am growing up and seeing how uncertain it is and I am clamouring to go back to 18 years, because.. because I finally have to prove that I can be responsible for myself and other people around me.
Why is this affecting me so much? Could be because I am comparing myself to other people, could be that this is something I have kept at the back of my mind for so long and now I am forced to face it (classic example of something having to come and kick me in the ass before I notice it), could be because this train of thought has brought some other issues to the surface.
Eergh.. maybe I just need more time to figure out my life. Maybe I just need to escape. So this year is either going to be the last months of insanity before I grow up, or a revelation to the grown up version of me..
*Cut! It’s a wrap! Camera off, dim the lights, roll away the fake scenery..*
What the hell is the grown up version of me??
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